A God-Loving, Gun-Toting Republican Woman On Our Nation's Currency

Who would have thought that after more than a year of debate, speculation, and politically correct public demand, America would learn that a God-loving, gun-toting Republican woman would earn a spot on our nation’s currency? Of course, don’t say this too loudly lest the Obama Treasury Department realize what it just did and change its mind.

But it’s true. Harriet Tubman — whom History.com notes was sustained by two things: “the pistol at her side and her faith in God” — will grace a newly designed $20 bill, to be unveiled in 2030. There’s no question that Tubman’s heroic work leading slaves to freedom via the Underground Railroad merits her image on our currency. But who’s getting the boot to make way for the Moses of her people? None other than our seventh president, Andrew Jackson, a Democrat.

Before any tears are shed for the military hero-turned commander in chief, consider that our greenbacks almost lost a patron saint, Alexander Hamilton, instead of someone who would have been appalled to find his face plastered to a federal bank note in the first place. Indeed, last year it seemed likely that Hamilton — who, aside from helping to write The Federalist Papers, stabilized America’s finances, basically founded Wall Street and strongly advocated for a central bank — would be the latest casualty of the demand that a woman get her money’s worth.

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