Narco Marco: I Think I Know What Went Wrong With Marco Rubio’s Campaign

If you hear a plaintive wailing emanating from Florida today, it isn’t the senator I’m calling “Narco Marco” trying and failing to reach his rumoured prescription meds off a high shelf with hisEZ Grabber reaching aid.

It is instead the gibbering GOP establishment watching the campaign of their handpicked golden boy collapsing faster than a handful of grandmas fleeing a Jeb Bush event (That would actually be quite slow, but you get the idea.) Yeah, in case you hadn’t heard: Little Marco is out.

Rubio took a drubbing last week in important states like Michigan. No doubt he spent the weekend consoling himself with Pet Shop Boys albums and a strongly mixed chocolatini, readying for the big fight in his home state of Florida. Marco is obviously in the closet about his inability to gain traction anywhere besides Minnesota.

No one’s surprised Rubio got schlonged in Florida today — least of all regular dog-walkers at Miami’s Alice C. Wainwright Park.

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