Aphorisms

A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH

1. The nicest thing about the future is . . .  that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine dog . . . but only kindness will make him wag his tail. 3.If you don't have a sense ofhumour . . . you probably don't have any sense at all. 4. Seat belts are not as confining . . . as wheelchairs. 5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is . . . when you're in deep water. 6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark . .  to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? 7. Business conventions are important . . . because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. 8. Why is it that at class reunions . . . you feel younger than everyone else looks? 9. Scratch a cat (or dog) . . . and you will have a permanent job. 10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy (or girl) . . . who wants to buy a car. 11. There are no new sins . . . the old ones just get more publicity. 12.There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. . . like, it could be the right number. 13. No one ever says "It's only a game" . . . when their team is winning. 14. I've reached the age where . . . 'happy hour' is a nap. 15. Be careful about reading the fine print . . . there's no way you're going to like it. 16. The trouble with bucket seats is that . . . not everybody has the same size bucket. 17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years . . .  we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? 18. Money can't buy happiness . . . but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillacthan in a Yugo. 19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint . . .. you're probably dead. 20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind . . . and the ones that mind don't matter. 21. Life isn't tied with a bow . . . but it's still a gift.