8 Most Absurd Things We're Teaching America's Kids About Sex

According to America's moral scolds, sex is like used chocolate, backwash and duct tape.

Despite the fact that 95 percent of Americans have premarital sex, and that this has been true for decades, abstinence-only education continues to be taught in classrooms across the U.S. Abstinence programs have received $1.75 billion in federal funds since the creation of theTitle V abstinence-only-until-marriage program in 1996, and that’s not including the Adolescent Family Life Act, created in 1981. What, exactly, are your hard-earned tax dollars teaching America’s youth about sex? Oh, just that it's dirty, disgusting, shameful, and worthless, at least according to the following abstinence messages.

1. Sexually active girls are like used chocolate.

Before a group of parents forced a change, a school district in Oxford, Miss. taught the evils of sex by passing a Peppermint Pattie around among the students to prove how filthy sexually active girls can become. “They’re using the Peppermint Pattie to show that a girl is no longer clean or valuable after she’s had sex—that she’s been used,” Marie Barnard, a parent and public health worker, told the L.A. Times. “That shouldn’t be the lesson we send kids about sex.” Indeed. Also, this seems more like a lesson of “wash your hands, children!” than anything sexually useful. And hey, here’s an idea, while we’re ruining desserts: Put a condom on that chocolate and see how it remains protected.

2. Sex is like backwash.

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