HOME SCHOOLED

1.. My mother taught me TO
APPRECIATE A JOB

WELL  DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2.. My mother taught me
RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3.. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
you into the middle of next week!"

4.. My father taught me
LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5.. My mother taught me MORE
LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing
and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6.. My mother taught me
FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
you're in an accident."

7.. My father taught me
IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8.. My mother taught me about the science of

OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9.. My mother taught me about
CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about
STAMINA ..
"You'll sit there until all that spinach

is gone."

11. My mother taught me about
WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about
HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.

Don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

14.. My mother taught me about
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about
ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in
this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about
ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about
RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are
going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me

HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO
BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me
GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my
ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were
born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

 25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"