The International Council Of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Catherine Bell (JAG) starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off -limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for  another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.  At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's  choice.

7: In the minivan, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not  the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other guy watching a sporting event, you may  ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's  playing.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her  to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of  flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're  sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model  and only when it's free. 

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed  to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see  anything.

15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as  spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to  drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must  remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of  pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer  than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.  Hang up if necessary.

19: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend'  have carnal, drunken monkey sex;the fact that you're feeling weird and  guilty is no reason for you not to nail her again before the discussion  occurs about what a big mistake it was.

20: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable  for her to drive yours.

21: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, limegreen, orange or sky blue..

22: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for  Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox One.  End of story.

23: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's  Gymnastics.. Ever.

24: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you  really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,  being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,'are  you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys  smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your  wife  squarely on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next, chubby!'

I hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Man Laws