Puns For Educated Minds

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews  it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh  deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are  sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost  interest.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a  Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I  mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a  Type-O.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing  now.

Jokes about German sausages are the  wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop  any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned  on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd  never met herbivore.

When chemists die, apparently they  barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it  down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on  words.

Why were the Indians able to settle here first? They had  reservations.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's  no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on  me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because  she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection you know urine  trouble.

Broken pencils are pretty much  pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A  thesaurus.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. As of  now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded  dough.

Velcro - what a rip  off!