Better Relationships, Better Health And Real Honesty

Americans lie an average of 11 times per week. This can take a toll on one's relationships, physical health and mental health.

A study by Anita Kelly and Lijuan Wang of the University of Notre Dame looked at lying and quality of life. Over a ten-week period of time, two groups of subjects were asked weekly, while being given lie detector tests, how many lies they had told. One of the groups was encouraged to stop telling major and minor lies for the ten weeks.

Both groups ended up lying less over the course of the study, which is not surprising; when you focus your attention on something you are much more likely to improve your behavior around it. For example, if you weigh yourself regularly you are more likely to lose weight; if you carry a pedometer to measure the number of steps you take, you are more likely to take more steps.

Those in the group encouraged to not lie told fewer lies than the other group, though. The important element of this is that in any given week when people lied less, they also reported that their physical and mental health was better and that their relationships were better.

This is not shocking, of course. Lying leads to greater distrust; honesty is one of the foundations of trust. If you tell a lot of lies, people will trust you less and your relationships will suffer for it. Lying also is stressful; you have more of a sense of isolation, and there is pressure to keep track of the lies that you tell.

When you have to hold something in your mind, it takes energy and focus, and that limits your capacity for other things. When you have a list of things to do in your head, for example, one of the great stress reducers is to write them down where you know you will look at them. Then you can relax your mind regarding that list and focus elsewhere. When you lie a lot, you have in effect a long list in your mind, and that can wear on you.

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