Long-Awaited Baby Boomer Die-Off To Begin Soon, Experts Say
WASHINGTON, DC After decades of waiting, the much-anticipated mass Baby Boomer die-off should finally commence within the next five to ten years, Census Bureau officials said Monday.
“I am pleased to announce that it won’t be much longer now,” Census Bureau deputy director Arthur Clausewitz said at a press conference. “According to our statistics, by 2009, we should see the Baby Boomers start to die off in large numbers. Heart attacks, strokes, cancer, kidney failure—you name it, the Boomers are going to be dropping from it.”
Clausewitz said the Great Boomer Die-Off should hit full stride in approximately 2015, when the oldest members of the Baby Boom generation—born during the last days of World War II—turn 70.
“Before long, tens of millions of members of this irritating generation will achieve what such Boomer icons as Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Timothy Leary and John Kennedy already have: death. Before long, we will live in a glorious new world in which no one will ever again have to endure tales of Joan Baez’s performance at Woodstock.”
Despite his enthusiasm, Clausewitz cautioned that the Great Boomer Die-Off will not be without its downside.
“Our nation must steel itself for one vast, final orgy of Boomer self-obsession as we are hit with a bewildering onslaught of magazine pictorials, hardcover coffee-table books and multi-part, Motown-soundtracked television specials looking back on the glory days of the 1960s,” Clausewitz said. “But once this great, final spasm of nostalgia passes, the ravages of age will take its toll on boomer self-indulgence, and the curtain will at long last fall on what is regarded by many as the most odious generation America has ever produced.”
Clausewitz also noted that the cost of caring for the elderly and infirm of the nation’s largest demographic group will be enormous.
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go back to school and learn to write punk
ReplyDelete8:58 What a horrible comment on your fellow human beings. You generalize and must be a very unhappy person. You must be right about some things. We did not educate some well if you can mix up hear and here so easily. We evidently did not teach you how to read statistics if you think we were all lazy. Best of luck to you in the future.
ReplyDeleteSince I fall into that boomer generation, this article really takes the joy out of my morning!
ReplyDeleteTime to buy some life insurance!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I read comments like those left by 8:58, I wish that we (the baby boomers) had practiced better birth control
ReplyDeleteFrom a guy in his thirties I can say the baby boomers really set my life in place.great music fun dance new styles of sex I.e. no nose to nose missionary crap" .they taught how to love more and be more open.these people are our parents and uncles our mentors. As for any young people like me remember...once they are gone...its our turn at the plate.
ReplyDeleteunfortunately 7:40 you and those like you will never win. no, you will strike out because you don't have the ethics, courage, morals, education and just plain common sense that God gave us. you think you know it all and aren't willing to learn because "you've already arrived".
ReplyDeletewell have at it my friend and just remember the road has been traveled many times before you.
That's where your wrong buddy.I'm the thirty something guy that screams stand for your rights and to speak out! Yet everyone thinks I'm crazy.the reason ill never win is because the people like you are conformed to be scared of the government. The government said these baby boomers are lazy drugy trouble makers.they were the pioneers of standing up fir our rights and fought for our freedom.yet your just like the government. Be real buddy.your a tool of the government.
Delete7:40 you're a freak. They invented nothing they just checked out of reality escaped into drug addiction and set the country back 50 years.
ReplyDeleteSet the country back fifty years? These people showed the world that our own people will stand against the government. Last time before them was prohibition. Now we are back into the fifties where we challenge no government and allow them to get away with whatever they want.because of people like you.they believed the people had the right to be heard.bet you believe that nothing can be done about anything so you just wake up and enjoy your life of existence as a government pawn.these people you call baby boomers where like our founding forefathers. Speak and fight for right and freedom!
DeleteIf those are accurate quotes, we should go to his office and hang him from the 2nd or third floor window. A government official so gleefully anticipating the death of millions of Americans? The baby boomers who paid TRILLIONS in taxes to build the roads, the schools, (and the money to give the next generation BILLIONs in student loans that they don't repay), provide free housing and medical care to people who never worked a day in their lives and can't wait for the "earned income" (what a joke of a name) refund, etc. Now, the government is SO happy they are dying off. Consider this --- you're the next in line. But since YOUR generation doesn't pay taxes and thinks WORK is a bad thing, and that government SHOULD control you and tell you what to think and how to behave (and will use the necessary technology to make sure you DO comply), well YOUR future will be exactly what you pray for....have fun....but I doubt there will much of THAT in store for YOU.
ReplyDeletePeople need to look at both sided of this issue. One is that yes they did bring about all the civil liberty and music etc.. however they also are the ones in goverment that brought on the collapse of the economy and reducing our current liberties because of terrorism.
ReplyDelete