We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the
male side.
These are OUR rules:
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We
need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
* Subtle hints do not work!
* Strong hints do not work!
* Obvious hints do not work!
* JUST SAY IT!
1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what
mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't
want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
* Sex,
* Sport,
* Cars,
* or Computers
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
DelMarVa's Premier Source for News, Opinion, Analysis, and Human Interest Contact Publisher Joe Albero at alberobutzo@wmconnect.com or 410-430-5349
Joe, forget the couch....your're in the "dog house" for sure. LOL
ReplyDeleteLOL... all of them are so true..
ReplyDeleteI like the "just do it myself" one the best.
All makes perfect sense to me, that's why I've been married for 26 happy years.
ReplyDeleteThere are way too many rules, and men think some women are high-maintenance.
ReplyDeleteHere are some rules you should live by and forget the man/woman crap.
1. If it ain't broke don't fix it.
If it was clean before you used it, before you leave it, it should be in the same condition. If it argues for more than 2 minutes, leave it alone. If it won't do any good, don't bother sayin' it.
Notice this is one long rule. Here are some examples esp for the men,
when you brush your teeth or use the bathroom, you should make sure to rinse out the sink and/or aim into the bowl. Clothes go back in the closet or in the hamper-not on the floor or over a chair.
If your wife is fat, don't tell her if it's just to make her mad.
If you can catch the game on your set now, don't bother convincing me you need a larger TV.