“Dear Red States...
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States”
DelMarVa's Premier Source for News, Opinion, Analysis, and Human Interest Contact Publisher Joe Albero at alberobutzo@wmconnect.com or 410-430-5349
Works for me.
ReplyDeleteThe best smackdown ever!
ReplyDeleteIt would have been an entirely different outcome without the corruption of the SEIU and ACORN. SO be smug Obama lovers, hope you daughters fare well under Sharia law.
ReplyDelete2:26,
ReplyDeleteI guess you are just going to ignore all the evidence that the red states are drains on the United States. I hope you fare well when the South basically becomes North Mexico.
Remind me again--did Bush find Bin Laden. Also, was Iraq under Sharia law? Answer? No and no. I'll stick with the president who is actually sending our military to fight the Taliban.
2:42
ReplyDeleteLook at the numbers, blue states government schools are failing at a worse rate than red states. Also, liberals do not like defending our country or the freedom of others so how can you speak of the military? Also, blue states have higher welfare roles than red states, more ppor people are liberals as that is what they are made to be by welfare laws and the democrats.
Despite being three years old, the "Dear Red States" Craigslist posting from 2005 is suddenly circulating again. I guess it must be election season that has revived this. But I figured I'd take a quick shot at a response.
ReplyDeleteDear Red States... We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
Hot Damn. Thanks. You're like people who have stayed long after the rest of the party goers have gone home. We've been hoping you'd finally leave, but we're too polite to simply throw you out.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
Well, actually, Minnesota, Michigan, Wisconsin and Washington are typically considered "swing states", but you can have them. Congratulations. You got two states too cold to live in, a failing automotive industry, and Washington.
As for the beaches, we got the entire gulf coast and the Atlantic up to North Carolina. You got the rocky coast of the northwest and the Jersey Shore (whose tourism board just recently announced their new slogan "Guidos in Speedos"). Again. Congrats.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
I don't mean to quibble with your argument, but Bank of America is the nation's largest and one of the few solvent banks. It's located in North Carolina. We'll take that.
I also suspect that most of the corporate CEOs that built that wealth will move in with us since better than 75% of them vote Republican.
You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
You can have the tax revenue. We'll give the other 1/3 back to the people since they know how to spend it better than your army of bureaucrats.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire
Since our troops will be coming home in a year under President Bush's plan anyway, that's fine with us.
You're also likely impose strict gun control while we a) have a tendency to support regime change and b) own a lot of guns. In addition, since most of America's nuclear arsenal sits in silos in the red states, if we ever decide we want New California back... Well, let's just say, "Sleep tight!"
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90 % of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 % of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 %of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
You got me there. Let's just hope that all the Asian students who are attending those schools will let you mow their lawns when they graduate.
While I will miss the pineapple, I think I speak for my red state family when I say we're ok giving up the wine and stinky cheese. After all, we still have all the Jack Daniels from Tennesee, all the Coors and Budweiser beer products from Colorado and Missouri, most of America's steak, and all the cigars we can roll with that North Carolina tobacco.
You also seem to forget that a) we will get most of America's total acreage. We get America's strategic oil reserve, we get all the oil in Texas and Alaska. With a much smaller population, we'll have enough energy to last generations. If we run short, we have no problem drilling off the coast of New California since we know we won't run into you there. Even if we do, like I said, we have all the guns.
That is a shame about the condors. I hear they're good eatin'.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 % of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
I can live with that.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38 % of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico .
Peace out,
Blue States
Ugh! You get Hollywood? Bummer. You've just taken on a huge sector of the economy that creates little of actual value, yet gets paid better than most CEOs. But we're willing to accept that since you have agreed to permanently dispose of Paris Hilton, Rosie O'Donnell, and Britney Spears. Thanks for taking care of that for us.
In closing, let me simply say thank you again. I think this arrangement will work out beautifully.
I forgot to attribute that to it's proper Author- "Dear Blue States: A Reply From the Red States"
ReplyDeleteSubmitted by MichaelTurk on Wed, 10/29/2008 - 13:43
http://www.thenextright.com/michaelturk/dear-blue-states-a-reply-from-the-red-states
2:49,
ReplyDeleteYou are factually wrong. And you failed to answer the questions: was Iraq a theocracy, and did your Republican president catch bin Laden?
You guys are all talk and no action, and you only think you know more than liberals. We heard of the Taliban years and years ago and tried to do something about it. It was under your watch that the U.S was attacked.
Dear 2:24, you forgot to mention that the Blue states have an average IQ 30 points higher than the average for Red States.
ReplyDeleteNuf said.
"To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states."
ReplyDeleteI wasn't aware Slavery was still legal in ANY states. Unless of course you count Socialism (Slavery to the government) in the Blue states...
First question on the "Red State" bar examination;
ReplyDelete1. If I divorce her is she still my sister?
Alaska was part of the cConfederacy? Good one, dummy.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't matter where it came from. What matters is how is resonates with so many people! James Madison envisioned how our bickering and factionalization would never keep the US of A from reaching its unifying potential!
ReplyDeleteYou guys get San Francisco, L.A., New York and all of the other big cities that are on the verge of bankruptcy, both morally and financially. All of the businesses will be moving to the red states, because the blue states will tax them to death. Good luck
ReplyDeleteBlue states? Aren't these the states that think its a horrible thing to water board a prisoner to get information but will protest so they can kill a baby and call it choice!
ReplyDeleteI am appalled by a total lack of grey area in these comments. Is everyone here looking at the world in terms of black and white? Ridiculous!
ReplyDelete(On the bright side, we now have a president who is 50 percent of each, which is nice)
The international banksters are laughing at us. They have convinced us to bicker about Red and Blue, Left and Right, Up and Down, Mid-term or Late-term (and by the way, how late is late?). You abort missions to the moon, not people's lives. You defend the Nation (our borders to start) not invade sovereign states and murder civillians. This Country is totally hijacked by an elite group of international bankers. Wake up and stop fighting amongst ourselves!
ReplyDeleteDeal!
ReplyDeleteBy the way.
We in the red states have the corn belt......you know the breadbasket of the world.
We'll keep our guns and bibles, and you can have the queers.
Sounds like a deal!
Blue vs Red...
ReplyDeletesunday
Sunday
SUNDAY
!!!!
So the sanctity of life and gun laws are connected? Therein lies a hint at their confusion...
ReplyDeleteYosemite, last I checked it was in Wyoming and that is a red state. Wyoming also has tons of coal and other minerals. The Blue state would have people moving away to the red states to get jobs.
ReplyDeleteRed states and all your ideals...you're finished! Find yourself another GWB and we'll see you in about 16-20 years....if there still is a republican party.
ReplyDelete9:50. The majority of people in the Blue States don't care about having jobs and are on welfare. Oh who will pay for that? Not the hard working Red States. Cya Blue States!!! Good Luck
ReplyDeleteOk on a serious note 6:56 is correct about the bickering between left or right, republican vs. democrat, liberal vs. conservative. This is why there always needs to be a balance of powers. We don't have this right now and its why conservatives are in a uproar and why liberals are scared.
"The majority of people in the Blue States don't care about having jobs and are on welfare."
ReplyDeleteSo the majority of people in MD and DE are on welfare? Huh, that's a new one.
7:36,
ReplyDeleteWrong. Red states take more money in federal funding than they pay in, and Blue states pay more money in than they get out.
http://scatter.wordpress.com/2009/02/16/red-state-blue-state-welfare-state-subsidizing-state/
We are subsidizing the "free" market Red States... and I, for one, think we should follow their advice, and cut off their funding.
9:29, that sounds like a good idea! Lets cut off ALL funding for welfare past say 3 months. Same for unemployment and socialized medicine. Lets cut down on gov't employees since we won't need them to monitor everyone on welfare and unemployment because, well, there won't be as many. We could make that system more of a lottery, a privilage, and make everyone responsible for themselves, instead of the state being responsible. That's what the red states will have the blue states for, so when someone whines about not getting their welfare check for watching tv, they'll be expelled to a cold blue state, where they can sit back and collect. Hurricanes and tornadoes will eliminate trailers and run down houses, effectivly cleaning the south. There is no slavery, so all races can live in peace, so long as they take care of themselves. And since the port of Beaumont, TX, Mobile, AL, and Miami, FL carry a large chunk of the goods, especially oil and food, we're good. You can have Long Beach for your Chinese goods. Don't worry, I'm sure they won't try to infiltrate spies into your country.
ReplyDeletePriceless. I'll have many people read this, I enjoyed it so.
ReplyDeleteSorry, No port of Miami for you... that's in Florida, a blue state.
ReplyDelete