Huffington Post
Dean Obeidallah
Posted March 15, 2009
Times just got even tougher for President Obama - if that's even possible. Not only does he have to deal with the horrific economy, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and pirates, he now has to give China assurances that it's $1 trillion investment in American bonds is safe. But what if China isn't satisfied and wants their money back? Will China start chasing President Obama like a typical bill collector?
As a comedian, I have had to deal with my share of debt collectors in the past so I wanted to offer some advice to President Obama on how to best avoid China if they start trying to collect their trillion dollars:
1. Instruct everyone in the White House that if China calls to say: "I'm not home." There is nothing more of a give away to a debt collector that you are ducking them then when they call looking for you and someone in your house picks up the phone and says: "Yes, President Obama is right here -let me get him." And then after a few minutes of China hearing muffled voices, the person comes back on the phone and says: "You know - I thought the President was here, he must have just stepped out." You are so busted - so plan ahead and avoid this awkwardness.
By the way, if you really want to be daring, when China calls, have the White House operators tell them you moved. If China asks the operator for your forwarding information, they should give them George W. Bush's current address and phone number. After all, he is one who should be paying this debt.
2. If China does get you on the phone, pretend you're somebody else. I understand that you are the President of the United States and not just some guy who owes the student loan people a few thousand dollars, but believe me this one works every time as long as you commit to it. So if one day you pick up the phone and China says: "Hello, President Obama, we need to talk to you about the trillion dollars you owe us," you have to respond calmly and confidently: "Sorry, this isn't the President, it's his roommate Steve." They will probably say: "You sound like President Obama," to which you respond while laughing a little: "Yeah, I get that all the time. No, it's Steve - can I give President Obama a message?" Believe me, this tactic has a proven track record.
3. Don't order any Chinese food to be delivered to the White House until this issue is resolved. Why you might ask? Simple, the Chinese government might substitute the Chinese food delivery guy with a representative of the Chinese government. So while you think you are getting Sesame Chicken for $11.75, instead you are handed a bill for one trillion and eleven dollars and 75 cents. If that does happen, pretend you left the trillion dollars on your desk and go back into the White House and lock the guy out. I know it seems rude but eventually the delivery guy will leave. (Also don't forget to take the sesame chicken in with you before locking the guy out.)
4. If things really get bad, my final advice is to consider alternative sources of income to pay the Chinese government back such as going on a game show like "Who wants to be a millionaire?" or "Deal or No Deal." You could make some good money on those shows. Or what about "Jeopardy?" This game is perfect for you plus when you get to the "Jeopardy Daily Double" and Alex Trebek asks for your wager, you say: "1 trillion dollars." If you win, you have the money to pay China, if you lose, at this point, really what's another trillion dollars in debt.
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Oh don't worry Obama, they won't bother to call. They'll moon you from accross the street!
ReplyDeleteActually, I see china getting tough as a good thing.
ReplyDeleteWall Street bought and paid for seriously unwise reforms with a heavy lobbying campaign. Many of these were good for Wall Street, but really bad for the rest of America (and for China as our largest foreign investor).
China and Europe are now pressing the US to clean up its act and to "fix the system", which basically means to undo some of the recent reforms (Thank you Bush). Without foreign pressure, and the threat to destroy our economy from abroad, we probably would fix little or nothing.
This is a good thing.
I've often wondered this myself, we borrowed a Trillion Dollars from China at an unGodly interest rate. How do we pay that back?
ReplyDeleteI think AIG's execs should chip in to help.
ReplyDeleteIf a company fails to produce an incom than why do i need to help them out. If the goverment would let companies fail instead of giving them tons of money so that they can keep their expensive company cars and jets, this country wouldn't be so deep in debt. The government shouldn't be taking my hard earned money to give to someone who sits on their but all day running their company into the ground.
ReplyDeleteReconciled1: "How do we pay that back?"
ReplyDeleteBy borrowing from someone else. If China tried to unload this debt, they would need to do something else with all of those dollars. Let's say they bought $$$trillion of property in the US. The people receiving that money from the sale would need to put that money somewhere... Where? US treasury bonds.
In the end, what we've really given to China for all their junk in Walmart, is large chunks of the US. Our land, our companies, our resources...
It's got to stop.
The next World War will be with China.... watch and see.
ReplyDeleteLook George W. Bush mortgaged our future by borrowing from China to fund his illegal war in Iraq. That fact is undeniable. At the same time that dumb ass cuts taxes. How in the hell can you blame Obama for the mess he's inherited? It's Bush that ran up the credit card with China, Obama is working to pay it back. Get informed.
ReplyDelete10:44 "Obama is working to pay it back."
ReplyDeleteActually, That's not true. Maybe in the long term Obama will start paying it back, but certainly not within the next two years. China is footing the bill for much of the stimulus package. This is new borrowing.
The argument is that borrowing to fix the economy, so that our economy will be better allows us to pay off debts sooner. This is exactly what businesses argue when trying to raise capital while carrying existing debt.
Whether it works or not, is the real question. If it does, Obama is a genius, and he will earn the support of a grateful nation. If not, bye bye in '12.
Businesses borrow by selling stock and selling the public that they are good for the money so much that the investors will see a return. Obama & Bush (first stimulus) are selling worthless Treasury bonds to the Chinese, eventually they will want to turn in this Monopoly money because another "emergency" spending bill with all kinds of political vote-buying earmarks are in it-meaning that we are not good for their investment portfolio. It's dumb to compare borrowing to fix the economy to George Bush's tax cuts because The stimulus packages are not putting back the money into pockets that spend, but are putting money into foreign companies like Goldman Sachs who should have questioned the junk commercial paper they received and kept buying. It's ridiculous to think that the gov't can fix this. NO MORE BAILOUTS-BANKRUPTCY WILL HURT, BUT IT's NOT A BANDAID (like the Stimulus) ON AN ARTERIAL WOUND-IT's A TOURNIQUET. When applying a tourniquet, sometimes the limb (in this case the company) is lost but that saves a life (our economy). ANYmouse
ReplyDelete10:44
ReplyDeleteWhen taxes are lower the US makes more money. People are less likely to cheat on taxes and more dividends are cashed in during lower tax periods.
Also, the Iraq was wasteful spending but it wasn't illegal.
P.S. the government is reading your emails.
Just inform CHINA that it's BASKETBALL conference spread sheet time...That should do it!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.billoreilly.com/currentarticle
ReplyDeleteThis pretty much sums it up.
Go on a show.
ReplyDeleteDon't you know the only real money given out on these shows is to the employees.
Judge Judy is the second richest entertainer. The briefcase girls on No Deal make more than the contestants. How much does Pobst get for Survivor?
They would have to produce one of these shows that is where the money is.