There's a new law on the books many may not be aware of. A few years ago a friend of mine told me he was off for several weeks on Family Medical Leave after his Wife gave birth to their child, I thought to myself, GIVE ME A BREAK!
Well, it turns out, California was the first state to allow Husbands to stay at home after a child was born. Maybe I'm just Old School but to me that's some pansy BS! We all knew what we were getting into when it came to having children and quite frankly, (this is my personal opinion) when you hold a position in a company in which they depend on you, this is not acceptable.
Granted, there are some exceptions. If the Wife becomes ill, had a hard labor/delivery and so forth and can't get around, I can understand that. However, we always depended on loved ones within our Family to visit and help out, like Mom or Dad or both.
Our Government has made it so tough on Families today, Grandparents no longer retire, it's now Great Grandparents that can help and by then they're not too strong anyway.
My point to this article is this. I am told that there are TWO Salisbury Police Officers, (MALE) who are on Family Medical Leave because their Wives delivered babies. Again, there are 12 Officers on Medical Leave right now and now is NOT the time for these Officers to be away from such a responsible job.
Now I may get bashed for this article and that's cool. Perhaps I shouldn't have shared my own personal opinion but like many other article I write, I seem to be one of the very few not afraid to put my name to how I feel, and I feel that many of you feel the same way, you're just afraid to admit it or say it. I'm not always right and I was raised Bronx Style where men are men and we are providers. I'm NOT suggesting a woman's place is at home barefoot and having babies, so don't even go there.
I just wonder how everyone else feels about Police Officers and or other people in responsible positions taking off for such leave. I think our Government has become so soft, the next thing you know Gay Partners will get time off to adapt to their newly adopted children. Uh Oh, maybe that law is already in place, who knows?
Let the comments roll.
DelMarVa's Premier Source for News, Opinion, Analysis, and Human Interest Contact Publisher Joe Albero at alberobutzo@wmconnect.com or 410-430-5349
It's Federal law, Joe. And doesn't just cover maternity leave.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.dol.gov/esa/whd/fmla/
I think it's ridiculous. Now if they have PTO time, let them use that. They can use it for whatever they want. But not just to stay home because someone made a law to help out those that really need it. I agree with you Joe.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Joe. Maybe a day or two... but to take a leave may be a little extreme. When you take a position where people depend on you then you need to uphold that.
ReplyDeleteJesus, Joe. I thought you'd be into something that recognizes a father is a parent, too!
ReplyDeleteThis is called the Family Medical Leave Act and it applies to personal illness, or a family member's, or births and adoptions. It's a federal law that was signed in Clinton's day.
You go on and on about how company treats good workers, like the guy at the Daily Times. Well, how would YOU like to get fired because you had to stay home with a wife through a major illness?
And yes, I would have liked some time to bond with kids when they were first born. Dads have had to miss out on a lot. I'd like to thank all those feminists out there that you bash all the time because my son is going to get some time to be with his new baby when it's born and not have to worry about getting FIRED.
Sometimes the mother will take her leave first to stay home with the new baby, then the father takes his leave while the mother goes back to work. This saves money on child care costs and can give the parents more time to find an opening at a daycare.
ReplyDeleteYou missed the whole point here, Joe.
ReplyDeleteThings are so bad over at the SPD that any excuse to get time off legally will be used.
I don't blame them one bit
joe, check out the county policy it is not only the city. whats fair for the goose is also fair for the gander
ReplyDeleteI own my own business and I took a total of three days of maternity leave. (Maybe two when I look back)
ReplyDeleteIts a bunch of BS to me for a man to be able to take that much time - he probably does not even change one diaper or cook one meal.
I'd like to know more about the twelve on medical leave? Watts up wit dat?
ReplyDeleteSo dad's shouldn't be allowed to welcome and celebrate the new addition to their families? I suppose that in families with adopted kids you believe that neither parent should be allowed any leave time.
ReplyDeleteIf the families can afford it and the work agrees to it then yes, it should be allowed. At least these dads are being dads as opposed to just sperm donors who do a dump and run.
i think that the only men that feel this way are the heartless ones, if you knew what it was like the carry a child for 9 months and not sleep, and swollen feet and hands and the vomitting and EVERYTHING ELSE THE WOMEN GO THROUGH WHEN THEN CARRIER ANOTHER HUMAN BEING AROUND IN THERE STOMACH FOR 9 MONTHS STRAIGHT its only the considerate thing to do is for the husband to be there right after the baby is born to give us women time to REST! im 4 months pregnant and my Fiance is going to take time off after our child is born to be there for me and support me and to help me out and let me rest for a little while after its all said and done, if i've carried the baby 9 months and after its born he was the just up and leave his best bet would to prob. not come home that night. so think about it Joe if your wife was the carrier full 9 months then go thru god only knows how many hours of labor the least you can do it suck it up and be a man and take a week or 2 off of work to be there for her!
ReplyDeleteAre you insane? It is a Federal Law. Why should it be only a woman's right to be able to spend some quality time at home with your newborn baby? In my opinion family always comes first. Once those precious moments after your child are born they are gone, you can't get them back. I applaud men who want to be there when their child comes home to help out and bond with their children. Miss out on those moments with our children at whatever age because of a job? Since when did our jobs become more important than family?
ReplyDeleteGive me a break...go back to work and let your wife take care of the baby like I did! I worked nights, my husband worked days so we could both spend quality time with our baby and at the same time we saved money on daycare and was able to have peice of mind that our baby was in good hands. My husband came home to a hot meal on the table every night and off to work I went. It is called sacrfice! Grow up and pay the price for having children.
ReplyDeletewell, you can call my parents liberals, but i wasn't raised to let men be men, and fit the stereotype of a woman myself. i can provide for myself, thank you very much.
ReplyDeletetimes have changed, joe. i'm on my mid-20s, and i don't have any female friends who are willing to give up there careers to be a stay-at-home mom. my mother, now in her 50s, didn't do it, and everything turned out just fine. but the only way to do that is by having a guy willing to do more than just provide for his family.
yes, it's absolutely ok for guys to get a "maternity leave" -- after all, they're equally responsible for that baby, right? why would the mom have to do it all herself? and i don't see how the guy's job would affect that -- he can be the president for all i care, in such a special time, family comes first.
All of these reasons are the very reason there are so many screwed up kids. A man being home after a child is born for a day or two is great, providing there was not a C-section performed. In that case the mother needs some help for a bit longer to heal physically. Otherwise, all a man does after a day or two is get on your nerves. If you wanted to sleep, you shouldn't have had kids. Didn't you know they wake every 3 to 4 hours to eat, be changed, be bathed? If these modern day mommies and daddies weren't so full of themselves and stayed home to raise their own kids instead of letting daycare raise them things would be a lot different. Stop trying to be superwoman. There is nothing wrong with being a FULL time mother to your children. In fact there is more wrong with not being a full time mother. Has anyone ever explained to you the importance of being a full time mother and homemaker?
ReplyDelete1012 hit it on the head when he said it's called sacrifice. You don't make the baby conform to your lifestyle, YOU conform to the needs of the baby. When I had mine I told my husband I would not work until my children were in school FULL TIME. I did work during the holiday season for extra cash but my children never saw the inside of a daycare center. They know family comes first, not first after the job. Life isn't all about money or big houses. Send your husbands back to work after a couple of days. All they'll do is hang out with their buddies smoking cigars and celebrating while you do what should come naturally.
Joe I believe the unions were the culprits that got this through several yrs. ago.I agree with you and it stinks.People are not committed to their employment any more just what they can get out of it for themselves.Its a new world and they do not back up to receive their paychecks anymore.
ReplyDeleteJust because they took on a responsible job does not mean they give up family life. Doesn't the act cover all employees so why just pick out police. Don't police also work on holidays and weekends and spend alot of time away from the family. I believe they deserve the time off they earned. Also when it comes to time off dont they have to use up 12 hours of leave and only gain leave 8 hours at a time, that's real fair.
ReplyDeleteWow, I don't know what I would have done if my hubby couldn't have stayed home with me after our first. I had a c-section and had a terrible time getting around for the first week. He was wonderful - changed more than his fair share of diapers and did all of the cooking & cleaning. As for the family, none are local and having any of them around would have been worse than being alone.
ReplyDeleteWe will always treasure that first week that we had together with our son. I applaud any man who wants to stay home and share that special time.
Maybe you should find out how the other 10 are abusing, oops I mean using their Medical Leave.
anonymous 12:00, that message is such bullsh!t.
ReplyDeleteYou should have left out the last part of it and wse might have bought it. Nice try.
Get your pansy asses back to work.
ReplyDeleteWell here ina Pittsvile we just pull the little boogers out get on with possum and coon huntin. Just cut a small hol in the backpack so ifin the little critter has to doa stink job it hits the ground not the back of ur boots. Never heerd the like of someone having a comprehensive medical package. It is federal law and it is not free leave it only assures you that you will have your job when you return it applies to families that have lost members due to cancer and needed extended in home care. The person has to use thier leave there is no fed. money involved at all. The agency will burn other leave I.E. Holiday and Comp if you run out of sick leave. So it is no gift. As for the barefoot,, pregnant, biscuit in her mouth women who stated the husband should be at work. Maybe he should get one of those fancy dancy DNA test. You might need to get job after that one. Well back to Pittsville my wife was skinnin coons and wuskrats when she was 11 mointh pregnamt. I swerr I do love her dearly she just couldnt climb up in the der stand the rungs wasin to fer apart. Hey shout out to my boys JD. BB JC TA RC RB or just Ricky BOB . He isin the only one I know what his leters stand fer. Oh yewa CB and ET you know who you arr. If you cant smile they you must not have any teeth. Thats why so many people parsonburg wont smile a bit. Remember Vote American and God loves us all even you Joe.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you put in the caveat about having a complicated delivery, Joe...but I still think this wasn't your finest moment.
ReplyDeleteSure, there are people who abuse this law and their employers, but I had an incredibly complicated delivery, a c-section, and a baby who was hospitalized for three months. For about two of those months, we didn't know if she would live or die. After my leave was used up, he took a leave of absence too, to keep her out of daycare and protect her from infections. (I had to go back to work because his job didn't offer the health benefits that saved us from bankruptcy.)
My point is that it strikes me as completely possible that these two police officers could have had a baby born prematurely or with birth defects, and need all hands on deck at home. Until you've been through this, you have NO idea what it does to a family.
I like what you do with this blog, but I think you really screwed the pooch here. --Not every baby is born healthy, and it really makes you sound less smart than you are to speculate without knowing the circumstances of these births.
Even if your assumption is correct and these babies were born healthy and full-term and taken home days later, it's still federal law. Call them sissies if you must, but I think most kids are lucky to have involved fathers these days.
Family values doesn't just mean two parents in a 1950s style home. In 2008, it means supporting families with flexible employment and health benefits.
I apologize if this is preachy, but you touched a very personal nerve.
Joe, did your son stay home on Family Leave when he dropped that bastard off for you to raise?
ReplyDeleteJoe, my message was not bullsh!t. I could not brag enough about how wonderful my husband was during the week after my c-section. Honestly, he even surprised me !!
ReplyDeleteYou said yourself that your point with this is that 2 of 12 SPD officers are on Medical Leave right now because their wives delivered babies. How do you know that those two wives didn't have difficult deliveries? I don't think that I am out of line to wonder about the other 10. Abuse of medical leave is out of control everywhere - should I believe that it doesn't happen at SPD too?
Anon 12:00
I think it is important for the men to bond with the child, and I would have loved if my husband was home for some time when I had my kids.
ReplyDeleteRegardless how "important" their job is, family is more important. But I have a feeling some men take advantage of it...no offense guys, but you know you are playing golf on that "family leave"! One of the reasons women have 6-8 weeks is to recover from birthing, what are men recovering from with their time??? I know I didn't squeeze my husbands hand that hard!!
I am a mother that feels that the father should have the right to have time off as much as the mother. He should be able to experience that bonding time, not just for a couple of hours after his shift,
ReplyDeleteOne other comment.
ReplyDeleteThis is not paid leave. If you have vacation or sick time accrued, you use that first, then the unpaid leave to equal the 12 weeks. If you don't have any paid time off-it's all unpaid.
I sure wish I had known it was law back when I needed my husband home with me....
ReplyDeleteIn 2003,after a grueling C-section and 5 days in the hospital(3 of which our baby spent in NICU)I was discharged on Saturday night and my husband had to return to work that Monday.Prior to that week,his employer had assured him he could take UNPAID time off,then did a switcharoo on us,which gave us two days to find someone to come be with us when he was at work.I could not drive,and I lived in a secluded rural area.Had my Mother not been able to take the week off on short notice,I do not know what I would have done.Sometimes we need that extra help from the father.
While I am ok with a husband receiving some time with his wife and baby, I would have a problem with this "hypothetical" scenario:
ReplyDeleteCop has girlfriend. Cop not so secretly cheats on girlfriend with smokin hot attorney. Continually. Girlfriend "just happens" to get knocked up. Cop stays with pregnant girlfriend yet still cheats with attorney.
When this baby arrives and the cop gets any kind of paternity leave, it shows that this law wasn't necessarily designed for the faithful, doting father......
We are constantly coddling everyone and trying to make things feel good. This is why we are so complacent when our government is taking us down the road to hell. People will not get up of the couch and work for their rights.
ReplyDeleteThe federal government is the last place we should be seeking law for this.
The intent of the law is for people who have medical emergencies.
Showing that family is first is by working even harder to support them.
There is no free time or money given. It just protects the person who saved their own leave or vacation time from being fired. if they don't have vacation or some other allowable leave, they don't get paid. This is good for 90 days and must have valid medical reason. A regular birth gets so much time, medical complications makes the time longer.
Going to work for eight hours will not keep anyone from bonding with their child. The time you have at home when your not working has been sufficient for most of our families.
Some parents could be home for 18 years with their kids and still not bond with them.
Work hard and be a valuable employee and you will not have to worry about taking time off to be with your child and wife. They will happily give it to you.
We don't need our government creating laws like this. We don't need to regulate everything our businesses do.
Don't let the government tell you how to be a good parent. Try to keep the child out of daycare is the best thing a parent can try to do.
I pray that all of the parents out there be the best parent they can be. Love your child and keep letting them know how much you love them. Learn how to listen and observe what you child is doind, feeling, and thinking. Don't scream at your child, losing control of yourself gives the child the best reason to lose control. Be calm, strong and assertive and your child will be calm, strong and assertive.
God comes first, family second.
You are a walking talking example to your child. They pick up on everything you do, say and think. They will try and copy just that. If your child is acting up, take a long hard look at yourself before you abuse your child. Disciplin is teaching and correcting, not beating and yelling.
Don't let the government legislate how to be a parent.
Since when did police officers give up all their rights! It's views like yours that amaze me. You and Chiefy think a lot alike! "let's keep beating our officers over the head until we get the results we want". I got news for ya Joe, Police Officers are not robots and believe it or not are entitled to VACATION just like the rest of us, which is where the leave comes from for FMLA-accrued vacation leave. It's this type of mentality that is partly to blame for so many officers being on the sick/injured list lately- STRESS! Hold on to your seat because I'll tell you something else that may shock you...police officers are also entitled to...are you ready for it....A MEAL BREAK! Oh my God! Stop the presses! You mean we actually allow them to get something to eat during their 12 hour shift?! How is this allowed?! ROFLMAO! I'm willing to bet that if we followed all the finger pointers around where they worked for a day, we would see quite a bit more wasted down time with coffee, smoke breaks, internet use, ect. Most of the time officers don't get to use all/any of their assigned meal time because of call volume or some dumba$$ coming up to them while they are eating to ask them about something that happened 3 weeks ago to their mother's uncle's cousin's third child once removed that used to be a cop in topeka kansas!
ReplyDeleteThis doesn't really fit under this topic but given all the negative views of law enforcement posted on here, I feel many would benefit from the following that I came across years ago and still carry a copy with me every day:
ReplyDeleteWell, Mr. Citizen, it seems you've figured me out. I fit neatly into the category where you've placed me. I'm stereotyped, standardized, characterized, classified, grouped, and always typical. Unfortunately, the reverse is true. I can never figure you out.
From birth, you teach your children that I'm the bogeyman, if they do anything bad I'll take them away. Then you're shocked when they identify/associate with my traditional enemy... the criminal! You accuse me of going too easy on criminals until I catch your kids doing wrong. You may take an hour for lunch and several coffee breaks each day, but point me out as lazy for having one cup. You pride yourself on your manners, but think nothing of disrupting my meals with your troubles.
You go mental with the guy who cuts you off in traffic, but let me catch you doing the same thing and I'm picking on you. You know all the traffic laws...but you've never gotten a single ticket you deserve. You shout "IDIOT" if you observe me driving fast to a call, but raise the roof if I take more than ten seconds to respond to your complaint.
You call it part of my job if someone strikes me, but call it police brutality if I strike back. You wouldn't think of telling your dentist how to pull a tooth or your doctor how to take out an appendix, yet you are always willing to give me pointers on the law and telling me how to do my job.
You talk to me in a manner that would get you a bloody nose from anyone else, but expect me to take it without batting an eye.
You yell that something's got to be done to fight crime, but you can't be bothered to get involved.
You have no use for me at all, but of course it's OK if I change a flat for your wife, deliver your child in the back of the patrol car, or perhaps save your son's life with mouth to mouth breathing, or work many hours overtime looking for your lost daughter.
So Mr. Citizen, you can stand there on your soapbox and rant and rave about the way I do my work, calling me every name in the book, but never stop to think that your property, family, or maybe even your life depends on me or one of my buddies.
Yes, Mr. Citizen, it's me the cop!
The Author of this article was Trooper Mitchell Brown of the Virginia State Police. He was killed in the line of duty two months after writing the article......
Oh BITE ME! Do you actually believe I came up with this without help from another Police Officer?
ReplyDeleteTHEY are the ones botherd by the lack of some of you willing to abuse the system and stay home to raise an infant.
I personaly think it's a crock of sh!t and I've expressed that with my own name on it. You pansies can't even put your name behind a thing you say, probably because many of these comments against me are from the Mayor or one of her many minions.
I think it's wonderful. Why shouldn't a man get the same time off that a woman does, and have the time to bond with the baby?
ReplyDeleteCongrats to those police officers who put family first!!
Joe, Its not that the cop is upset that another LEO got time off for his new baby...its that they are short handed as it is and that cop is taking advantage of the situation!! Its a chain reaction, one cop takes 6 weeks off to be with his new baby...they are short handed so no one else can take time off. So when that cop returns, another takes stress leave for a few weeks, then when that cop returns the one who took leave before now has to take it again because it was really hard being short handed and hes now stressed! Then there are the few who NEVER take time off and when they want to go on vacation with there family....they can't, because one guy is sick and the other is being a baby and got a really big bruise!!
ReplyDeleteI think that it is important for the mom and the dad to bond with the newborn. Now I'm not saying that the father should be given a month, but a week sounds fine. Both of my parents were in the army when I was born, and even though they love me, I don't always feel a strong conection. When my family was stationed in Germany my mom was sent back to the states for 3 months for traing. When she came back I didn't know who she was. This is why bonding is so important
ReplyDeleteThere should be no law mandating maternity leave at all. not for men, and not for WOMEN, either.
ReplyDeleteThat said, it should be a consensual thing with the employer. Most employers who want to keep good employees will have a policy. Some will choose to apply the policy to men and even gay partners. That's how it should be.
If you don't support a law mandating leave, that is great. As long as you don't oppose employees and employers that choose arrangements that are outside of your social preferences.
I know I am a little late with this comment, but I couldn't resist!!! FMLA for new daddies??? Give me a break! 4 years ago, I was in Hawaii with a 5 year old by myself when I gave birth to my daughter...while my husband was deployed to Iraq. You know what his leave was...a five minute phone call! And that was good enough for us, it was a hard time and thank God I had friends on the base that helped out. My husband's friend came home the day before for R&R and his family came gave up their alone time to babysit my son. All this crap about carrying a baby for 9 months makes you so tired you need to rest, what ever happened to sleeping when the baby sleeps! There is no need for dad to get FMLA!! I guess I am thinking the wrong way...No work no pay! Thats how it should be!
ReplyDeleteWendy