Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.
This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following:
* insects
* other trained attack kittens
* babies
* toilet paper
* anything under a blanket
* unwanted house guests
* paper bags
* floor rugs
* Feet.
Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting. He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be. This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.
Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast.
Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it.
Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens... please be prepared to show scars.
For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house.
DelMarVa's Premier Source for News, Opinion, Analysis, and Human Interest Contact Publisher Joe Albero at alberobutzo@wmconnect.com or 410-430-5349
i hate cats.
ReplyDeleteJOE, PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISN'T THE SAME CAT YOU HAD A PHOTO OF THE OTHER DAY OR WROTE THE LETTER TO. I REALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE KEEPING HIM. PLEASE RECONSIDER, PLEEEEZE?
ReplyDeletejoe, you are not alone. I took in a drop off from the local park and she is also a free spirit. Have to keep all paper, socks, both boys and anything else that moves out of her reach. When I close her up in the bathroom so we may eat dinner as a family uninterrupted by the tail in the face, she decides to use the shower stall as her own personal litter box. Another mess for me to clean up. I feel your pain but I would never part with her.
ReplyDeleteYou should also know that most ferocious attack kittens do not play well with new family members. Tried it. 2 months to get them "used" to each other and had to get a new sofa.
It's a Craigslist "Best of"...Joe wouldn't get rid of his kitty! It's someone else's attack kitty...
ReplyDeleteI want an attack kitty! Those are my favorite...they are fun! And I have scars from one I had as a child too! As long as its declawed and neutered!!
ReplyDeleteI have a friend that works on the water. It's crab season and he is always looking for crab bait for his pots.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I call recycling at it's best.
Another possibility is the local chinese restaurants.
Joe, sometimes you are too funny! I enjoy your posts as they go from emotionally outraging me to making me belly laugh till it hurts!
ReplyDelete